brain farts

Happy 16th, Niffles

Posted on: July 13, 2005

In honor of my brother’s birthday today, I thought I’d do a little joint blog with him to commemorate his sweet sixteenth (why do they even call it that? There was nothing sweet about my sixteenth year. Bittersweet, maybe, but definitely not SWEET)…

LYNN: You look kind of confused here.
JASON: Hey, I was pondering the meaning of life.
L: AND????
J: I’ll get back to you later on that one.

L: Um. No offense, but what’s up with the lazy eye you got going on here?
J: Well, considering I’d just been born three weeks prior to this photo, I think I look pretty damn good.
L: Good? Whatever. You look more like a newly hatched chickadee. Or a sumo wrestler on the brink of attack. I mean, check out those fists!!!
J: I do NOT look like a sumo wrestler. Or a chickadee.

L: Sorry to be such a spoilsport, but you kind of have a double chin thing going on here.
J: You know, I’ve seen your baby pix, and let me tell you, you didn’t look all that hot either.
L: Actually, this is true. I was not a cute baby. On the contrary, I WAS HELLA UGLY.
J: Yes. Yes, you were. In fact, you weren’t a very cute kid either, now were you?
L: Jeez, no need to agree all at once.

L: This would’ve been a really great Xmas picture — you know, the kind that Mom and Dad could’ve turned into a Christmas card to send out to all of their friends — but then you had to go and RUIN IT BY FLIPPING THE BIRD.
J: I was not flipping the bird. My middle finger was just slightly more extended than the rest of my digits.
L: No way. That’s definitely the bird. Jeez! I have no idea where you pick that kind of stuff up!
J: Well, everything I learned, I learned from you.
L: That is also true.

L: By the way, did you know you had this really bad tendency to drool? Like a dog? Anytime, ANYWHERE?
J: No, I didn’t.

L: Well, you did. YOU SO TOTALLY DID (case in point, this picture). And all over my shoulder whenever I held you, too. It was like you saved up on bucketloads of drool, only to dispel of it the second I picked you up.
J: Well — just as a dog can’t — it’s not like I could talk. How else did you expect me to tell you ‘thank you’?
L: Are you calling yourself a dog?
J: No, that would be you.
J: What, you were born in the year of the dog, weren’t you??
L: Sadly, I was. I guess that makes me a w(b)itch.

J: Anyway, excessive drooler or not, that didn’t keep the girls away from me.
L: Not too fast, grasshopper. This picture of you and Laura DOES NOT count. I distinctly remember us bribing her to lean in and smack one on you. Naturally, she was very hesitant at first (you being a drooler and all), but when we held out a very tempting tootsie roll pop, she was so unable to resist such a bribe and thus decided to risk a few cooties in exchange for that lollipop.

J: Well, then how do you explain this? Both Caitlin AND Laura obviously couldn’t keep their eyes off me.
L: Puh-LEASE. They weren’t looking at YOU (who was obviously too busy stuffing his face with food, as evidenced by the chewing mouth and potato chips in BOTH hands). They were looking at the CLOWN standing over in the near distance.

J: Clown? Oh, you mean YOU?
L: HEY! That was an outfit from one of MOM’S FRIENDS. I was OBLIGATED to wear it. You know, out of POLITENESS. Plus, telling from that picture, it’s not like I was all that happy to be wearing it.
J: You do have a point there. You look more constipated than happy.
L: Ya see? I told you.
J: You know, I don’t know what’s more disturbing — the baggy Aladdin-ness of the outfit, or the Hawaiin theme.
L: Both. I say both.

L: You know, for a guy popular with the ladies, you were kind of a wuss.
J: Hey, the shark was big. HUGE. And it had teeth. SHARP teeth.
L: Riiiight.

L: This is an interesting picture.
J: Interesting? I think it’s kind of cute.
L: Well, obviously, considering it’s a picture of YOU.
J: Fine, what’s so interesting about it?
L: Well, you and Mr. Jack-in-the-Box look like you’re greeting each other Maori style, like in that Whale Rider movie.
J: Hmm. It kind of does.
L: Maybe you were Maori in your last life.
J: Maybe you were an alien.
L: Maybe you’re right.

L: I took this picture, you know. In Santa Cruz.
J: I like it.
L: You would.

J: Well, what is it with you and your obsession with TAKING PICTURES OF MY ASS????
L: Hey, I had to hone my photography skills early on. It’s not like I gained my proficiency for candid photography overnight, you know.

L: Anyway, drooler/ass-lover or not, I’m still really glad you popped out today sixteen years ago.
J: Gee, thanks.
L: No, really. I totally mean that.

And I do. I really really do.



Currently Playing: Are You Gonna Be My Girl by Jet. Well, sure, Jet, but only if you ask nicely.

Currently Reading: Still 1,000 Places to See Before You Die by Patricia Schultz. Forget visiting all these places; I don’t even know if I’m ever going to finish READING about them.

6 Responses to "Happy 16th, Niffles"

I don’t think my sister would appreciate that analogy haha. But you and your brother look so alike in that last picture =). By the way… Does he know you’re posting baby pics? haha

:) Your bro must really appreciate this blog. He must have had a lot of fun growing up with you!

And don’t worry, Lynn, usually an ugly duckling turns out to be a beautiful swan. (Usually.) :P

Happy Birthday to your Bro! May his day filled with lots of joy and drooling ;)

i had to laugh out loud about the baggy clothes pictures. Very funny sister and brother dialogues :D

Happy 16 Bro! And by the way, you have a cute bum.

And Lynn, you look so adorable even as a kid. :o)

I need to say something – Oui and I both agree that you look incredibly cute in those photos Lynn :)

Aw shucks. Thanks, guys.

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