brain farts

To Whom it May Concern (Part Trois)

Posted on: October 22, 2006

To Next Term:

I am one week away from meeting you, but already I hate you.

Of course, a large part of this hatred has to do with the sad fact that, for the next four months, I will be having class with you SEVEN DAYS A WEEK. This means that on Saturdays I have to have my ass in class by 9 a.m. Sundays, which God deemed to be the day of rest, are even worse, because said ass has to be there by 8 a.m.

8 a.m.!

That loud flushing noise, by the way, is the sound of my social life going down the toilet. That low grumbling sound, on the other hand, is my biological clock, who, thanks to your good friend, Last Term, has yet to recover (The Clock is still VERY disgruntled as it’s still six hours behind normal BKK time and living on London time which is totally demented since I’ve never even flown over the freaking city much less set foot there), as seen here:

Tower of  Babel

I mean, seriously, will you look at that? It’s the Tower of Freaking Babel! If that is the amount of damage that Last Term can wreak, then I don’t even want to imagine what YOU have in store for me. I’ll have you know that as much as I love to read, my brain is only capable of storing so much.

I have to admit, though, that a small part of me is kind of looking forward to Saturday classes at the university clinic, where I have already placed first dibs on the kid’s play room. It looks like a very nice place to take a mid-day nap, though I figure I’m probably going to have to fight the kids for it. Maybe I can threaten them with a dental drill

Just kidding!

But I digress, because seriously, Next Term, that schedule of yours is no laughing matter. Please keep in mind that any hairy eyeballs you might stumble across in the next four months are ALL intended for you and YOU ONLY.

Grrr.

Spitefully yours,
Lynn

~*~

To Leonardo DiCaprio:

I remember when I first saw you in Titanic — I was fourteen, in tenth grade, and blissfully in puppy love with all the boys in Tiger Beat, namely you. I watched the movie on the day after Christmas and gasped in abject horror as you sunk to the bottom of the inky arctic abyss, and bawled my pre-pubescent eyes out, thinking, No, Jack, NO! You can’t just drop dead and leave Rose after your clandestine three-day love affair! You guys are in L-O-V-E! Oh, and did you guys practice safe sex? What if Rose is pregnant with your baby?

As sad as your death was, I honestly thought I’d never see a better movie again in my life.

Well, I eventually did. And it didn’t take very long. Maybe I grew jaded (or just plain grew up), but I’m sorry to say that my love for you and all things Titanic dwindled quite a bit over the years; I mean, really, nine years later, you can’t blame me for laughing over the very scene I’d once cried over, can you?

Well, in case you’re harboring any hurt feelings, let me just tell you that my love and admiration for you returned ten-fold after I saw The Departed, which has to be one of the BEST GOD DAMN FILMS I’ve seen in a really long time.

As I watched the movie, not once did I look at your face and think, Oh, there’s Jack Dawson reincarnated, dodging bullets through Boston’s gang-ridden streets, or, Oh no, Jack’s reincarnated to the wrong era — what’s he going to do when he finds out Rose just DIED a few years prior?, or, Oh NO, you’d think fate would give him a break and let him live for once; now he’s gone and died again!!!

No, I did not think any of those things at all.

Instead, I thought of how talented an actor you’ve become and wondered how it’s possible for you to be in your thirties, yet still look like you did on Growing Pains.

So congratulations, and here’s to hoping you get your much-deserved Oscar nod this year!

Admirably yours,
Lynn

~*~

To Hanson:

We’ve come a long way, haven’t we? From the age of fourteen, I literally grew up with you; plastered posters of you on all four walls of my room, including the ceiling; saved up my lunch money so I could buy every last magazine that contained even a smidgen of a sentence about you; flew halfway around the world so I could see you perform live and in the flesh; became known at my high school as “that Hanson fan”; stalked the H section of every music store in the city, always making sure that your CD was the one facing out (sorry, Hootie & the Blowfish), sometimes even going to the extent of buying more than one CD, thinking that all your other unbought CDs looked lonely and that maybe so-and-so sure could use a Hanson CD for their upcoming birthday.

Dude, with the help of my Fanson buddy, Kristi, we even maintained a Hanson webpage for you for four years, which, God willing, will forever remain buried in the depths of cyberspace as we have long since forgotten the password to it and can’t even delete the damn thing, thus ensuring our perpetual online embarrassment for our young, teenybopper selves who once tYpEd lYkE dIs and were very loose with the exclamation marks!!!!111!!eleventy!!!one!!!11!!

It’s amazing how hindsight can evoke such clarity; I realize now that I once brought a whole new meaning to the word Teenybopper.

Thankfully, things changed after high school. While I still remained a die-hard fan throughout college, I didn’t stalk the music stores so much anymore. I even reduced my surfing to your site to once a week as opposed to twenty times a day and managed to squeal only a little whenever your songs came on the radio. When Taylor got married in 2001, I didn’t even cry, even though he was once my favorite Hanson Boy and a teeny tiny secret part of my 14-year-old self once believed that I would TOTALLY be marrying him one day.

But being the, ahem, mature adult that I was, I moved on and got on with my life.

But when I found out in June that Zac married his long-time sweetheart, and a few months later learned that Isaac had done the same, and discovered that Taylor’s wife had given birth to baby number three (how adorably cute is that picture?!), I was surprised with the huge wave of nostalgia that came over me. It wasn’t so much the teenage puppy love grief I would have once felt nine years ago, but more of a Wow, look at how much has happened in both your lives as well as mine this past decade. As bittersweet as it all is, I can’t help but feel SO happy for you; your music gave my teenage years a genuine sense of happiness, so I can only wish and hope the same for you in your lives.

Oh, and just so you know, you can bet your booty this Fanson‘s going to be rocking out to MMMBop, even when she’s a geriatric 80-year-old fart scaring the kiddies with the whirr whirr of her rusty ol’ dental drill. When I wrote Hanson 4-eva! on my backpack all those years ago, people used to tell me that I’d grow out of it; even now, whenever I meet old friends from high school, they always tend to ask, “So, are you still obsessed with Hanson?”

My answer: “Obsessed? No. But a fan? Always.

Fondly yours,
Lynn

P.S.  Happy 21st birthday, Zac!

~*~

Currently Reading: The Tea Rose by Jennifer Donnelly, which is a wonderfully lush historical novel. When you read this, you are there, living and breathing the sights and sounds of late 1800’s London and New York City.
Currently Playing: When You Were Young by the Killers, because I love this song so much I would marry it if I could. And also because the Killers are probably one of the best bands to come along this decade (not including Hanson, of course, hehe). Sadly, not all the stuff on the radio these days can evoke memories of the days when Duran Duran, the Cure, U2, Bruce Springsteen, and the God himself, David Bowie reigned supreme — the Killers, however, totally can.

12 Responses to "To Whom it May Concern (Part Trois)"

I can’t speak for your friends ‘the terms’ or comment on your long-lived devotion to Hanson, but Leo and everyone else in The Departed (what an amazing cast, really) were great. Ends on a bit of a downer though :P

I know, wasn’t TD great? And Jack Nicholson’s acting was sheer genius, really. Gotta agree about the ending, though, haha.

Yikes! You sure weren’t kidding when you said last term was rough.

Any way we could get you to share that Hanson website with us? ;)

wow…. that last term was really quite something!!! and 7-day week next term???? there should be a law against that! T___T good luck with it lynn!!!!

and also… yup… i still remember how big of a Hanson fan you were. :) Has it really been 10 years since we were 14???

Ok well, 1) welcome to WP and 2) (ducks) I thought The Departed was a particularly poor remake of a very good Hong Kong movie (which it was) with a rubbish, predictable, mindless and dumb ending where the most interesting thing you could do was to guess who died next.

Just kinda bugs me. I can nearly cope with b-list directors and actors remaking asian movies (nearly) but christ, when someone like Scorsese and that bunch of actors do it? No shame, I tell you.

Brian: God, NO, you would not want to see that. :) Believe me, it’s just too embarrassing to speak of. I start turning about ten shades of red just thinking about that site!

Thanks, Noi! And about time flying — I know, I don’t FEEL old. I only start to feel old when I can say, Oh, yeah, I remember doing so-and-so ten years ago.

Ten years ago, I couldn’t say that.

Him: Ah, it might not be the best action/suspense movie of all time, but I definitely think it’s better than most of the crap out there these days. But I definitely have to agree with you about the ending. I felt like it was too rushed and that there were way too many holes. Also, Scorsese didn’t layer it that well — after that elevator scene, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to feel sad or tickled pink; I mean, it was almost darkly comical, some people in the theater were actually laughing.

Oh yeah, and are you going to be starting a new blog soon? Please don’t stop blogging!

cool. you are Locust the Blog Master. feeding and beasting the web log universe. your insatiable appetite can only be temporarily appeased by Mountain of Paperwork. as the smell of conflict and contact solution fill the morning air, you launch your final assault after several grueling days at Mid Term, the legendary battleground. hands red from tiny, ouchy papercuts, our hero emerges victorious at her critical checkpoint. gazing forward, Locust wonders, “will the Last Stand at Final Exam bode fortunate as well?” only time can tell, Lynn.

but wait… someone comes.

holy cabareer batman, lot’s of trees were sacraficed for that term. good luck, really good luck with that pile ;)

(i am reading to whom it may concerns, the first two letters are hilarious. i laughed out loud a few times :))

:D

Well, I actually have a new, experimental blog! I want a new one where I was completely anonymous – one which my family didnt read religiously hehe. After all, one of the main aims of His Words was to keep in touch with friends and family back in the UK…. don’t really need that anymore!

So I will be writing more… it’s not too hard to find, if you know what I like and what I write about… probably… hehe…

Mati: Only time can tell, indeed. But hey, how did you know about Locust the Blog Master’s papercuts? ;)

Poeh: I know! I didn’t realize how big that pile had gotten until I was stacking all of last term’s junk away; all I could think about were the poor trees.

Him: Well, I know you love games (esp. WoW), but I’m not net savvy enough to find it. :(

no wonder!!! tons of people are addicted to your blog thingy…so much fun reading it man!!! well…see you this coming sunday, gosh! can u imagine??? we’ll have the first class of the second term on sunday morning! at 9????? i wanna die already….

Aw, thanks Goi! But I thought class starts at 8? At least that’s what Wi told me…either way, I’m so not looking forward to it!!!! ACK. :(

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