brain farts

Freak Magnet

Posted on: June 3, 2007

My girl Caro dubbed me the Freak Magnet way back in high school, and as you can see, the nickname is most definitely here to stay.

[Along Kata beach, while Lynn attempts to play
the part of savvy professional photographer]

ELDERLY GERMAN WOMAN
Excuse me?

LYNN
(looks up from viewfinder)
Yeah?

ELDERLY GERMAN WOMAN
You (points to Lynn)
take picture (slowly mimes camera movements
as if Lynn is mentally slow) for me and my friends?

LYNN
(holds out hand for camera)
Um. Okay.

ELDERLY GERMAN WOMAN
(walks a few feet away to join her two elderly friends,
one of whom is sunbathing…topless)

LYNN
(fiddles with camera so as to avoid viewing
hanging sixty-something-year-old teabags in direct sunlight)
Uh, okay. Here we go.
(prepares to take picture while averting eyes from said teabags)
One, two, three.
(snaps picture)

ELDERLY GERMAN WOMAN
(reaches out for camera and views picture with friends)

ELDERLY GERMAN WOMAN’S FRIENDS
(converse in German while making disapproving noises)

ELDERLY GERMAN WOMAN
(hands camera back to Lynn)
Oh, no.
Could you please take it again?
My friend’s arm is not in the picture.

LYNN
(blushing)
Oh, I’m sorry.
(prepares to take picture again,
realizing this time that the teabags just can’t be avoided
if a proper picture is to be snapped)
One, two, three.

GERMAN WOMAN AND FRIENDS
(review picture and beam)
Very good! Thai people are so nice! Thank you!

LYNN
(walks away and chances a glance at glaring sunset in hopes of
eradicating imprint of said teabags from traumatized corneas)

~*~

[The next day, Lynn attempts
savvy professional photographer stance once again]

ITALIAN GUY
Hello.

LYNN
(looks up from viewfinder)
Hi.

ITALIAN GUY
You are Taiwanese?

LYNN
No, I’m Thai

ITALIAN GUY
I see.
(motions to camera in hand)
You are a professional photographer?

LYNN
No, I’m a student.
Photography’s just a hobby.

ITALIAN GUY
What do you study?

LYNN
Dentistry.

ITALIAN GUY
(nodding)
Yes, I see.
Your teeth, they are sexy.

LYNN
…..

~*~

I rest my case.

Anyway, despite the freakish run-ins, my daily excursions to the beach haven’t been completely fruitless. Phuket sunsets are ridiculously easy to photograph; you pretty much point and shoot — and voila! Everything is bound to come out looking fabulous. It’s as easy as prepping a TV dinner.

 


I have no idea how that got there.
Honest to God.
The seagulls must have been loitering around again.


Came across a pier later…


That lead to a little fishing village…


Which had some pretty awesome seafood


Honing my self-photography skills


Thought the clouds were a total pain at first,
but then I realized that they offer a fantastically dreamy effect, no?


Obligatory emo sunset shot.


Full moon!
(But no party.)


Wheeeee!!!!

~*~

Currently Reading: The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, one of the most stunning books I’ve read this year — actually, make that ever. There’s not much I can say about this novel that can do it justice, except to recommend that you read it and discover the heartbreaking beauty of The Kite Runner for yourself. It’s one of those very rare novels that remain with you for a very, very long time.

Currently Playing: Let’s Get Out of This Country by Camera Obscura, possibly the best indie-pop act to come out of Scotland ever. Full of Belle & Sebastian and The Smiths influences, the lyrics are smart and gleefully direct, and Tracyanne Campbell’s voice is as wistfully melancholic as a lazy summer afternoon. I love it. Stand-out tracks include Let’s Get Out of This Country; Lloyd, I’m Ready to be Heartbroken; and Tears for Affairs.

“…We’ll pick berries and recline
Let’s hit the road, dear friend of mine
Wave goodbye to our thankless jobs
We’ll drive for miles, maybe never turn off
We’ll find a cathedral city
You can be handsome, I’ll be pretty…”

13 Responses to "Freak Magnet"

I think there’s a time to pretend that you can’t communicate with certain people, and you’ve demonstrated it well with your anecdotes. The next time you visit the States, I strongly urge you to avoid all forms of public transportation, because invariably your freak magnetism (or perhaps the sexy teeth :)) will attract a throng of the weird. Perhaps there’s a convoluted conspiracy by Big Oil to hand out bus and subway passes to freakdom, in order to make me avoid public transport like the plague, and stick to my car instead.

I don’t think you will encounter topless German grannies here, though.

wow you’re hand(sand)writing is really neat. my regular handwriting looks like chicken scratch.

Haha this reminds me of the time my friend went to Phuket (around Patong beach though not Kata beach) and was approached by some Euro farang who told her she had sexy ears. Not quite as weird as being told you have sexy teeth but pretty weird just the same! If I were you, I think I would’ve burst out laughing in his face. :P Those European guys sure are gutsy (and weird haha).

Anyway, love your blog and your funny, random comments on everyday life. Please keep blogging!

hahahahaha… sexy teeth… creepy guy!! i think you must have known what direction that conversation was gonna go.

your pics are beautiful! what kind of camera are you using? and is there any chance i can get some of those pics fullsize so i can use them as wallpaper?

oh and i’ll be in thailand soon. i’ll send you an email. maybe we can meet up for some eats!

You win sexy teeth.

Having followed your blog for a while now (you’ve moved blogs twice since), I’d say, with all due respect, that you do not attract freaks because of your sexy teeth but because you are kindda, well, how can I put it… hot? Never seen you in person but seems like you radiate a fabulous energy and if I was to encounter you in a beach I’d probably also say something stupid like that.

ur teeth, they’re sexy? hahaha… seriously… that’s one of the worst pick up lines. :) im sorry u hav to look at the 60 year old something teabags. :P i luv ur pics… makes me wanna go to the beach. *sigh* dunno wen i’ll get to go.

The Italian is right, your teeth.. they ARE sexy!

Haha I hope the old lady images are starting to fade from your head by now.

The photographs you took are STUNNING. Gorgeous! I may just have to snag one for a desktop wallpaper :) Oh and the model Thai girl in the photos is a good competition to the gorgeous sunsets ;)

hahah I love that Italian guy’s comment. I read it in an Italian perverted accent which made it even better. Lovely pics! And the kite runner.. so good..

Lynn’s bringing sexyback… to teeth :P
The Kite Runner IS stunning, isn’t it!!! I think I cried no less than 4 times reading that book.

Wow – I am so happy to come across your blog! Great read so far, wonderful photos. Looking forward to having more of a look around… great work

Thanks?! (o~0) I’ll never get that image out of my head…as for public transportation in the states…just take any bus or subway in NYC if you want the ultimate freak show…and yes, you probably will see a topless German grannie there too! along with other memorable sights that you will never forget, no matter how long you see a therapist…great blog. Enjoy reading it…until the tea bags of course…..

Yep, you do seem to be a magnet for freaks.. my visit to your blog is proof! :-P

Sounds similar to what my best friend said once, “Why do I attract all the weirdos as my friends?” Hey, wait a minute there..

But I’m neither a German grannie nor an Italian pervert. I’m just a Thai grannie pervert.

Luv your blog, by the way!

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