I Am So Bad

Posted by: bkksoul on: October 27, 2006

• In: Family | Humor | Life
• 8 Comments

A few weeks ago, I took my brother to the US embassy to re-new his passport. As you probably know already, before entering the embassy, everyone is required to check in their belongings and undergo a brief security check. Well, when our turn came around, I passed through scot-free. My brother, however, didn’t.

And it was all because of me. Turns out that a few days prior I’d asked my brother to keep my embryology notes in his backpack for me and had completely forgotten about them. Which is why the last thing I ever expected was for the security guard to stop my brother and pull out my packet of notes on the male reproductive system and stare at them. And rather intensely, I might note.

J: Why is he staring at your notes like that?
ME: I don’t know. Maybe he thinks they’re secret plans for weapons of mass destruction?
J: Huh?
ME: You know, missiles.
J: I know what WMDs are. But what do your notes have to do with missiles?
ME: Come on. You’re a guy. Those are notes on the male reproductive system.  USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

Hardy har har.  Lame, I know, but I thought it was kind of funny at the time. And yeah, I know — I’m horrible. A regular corruptor of youth. I should not be allowed to get within ten feet of anyone below the age of 18.

After a rather lengthy perusal of my embryology notes (I’m talking five minutes here, people, and no, I am not even joking), we were finally allowed into the embassy; I guess they finally realized that what they were looking at wasn’t missiles after all, but rather parts of the male anatomy. We waited in the loooong line and were told to return after lunch to hand in in my brother’s forms and passport photos. So we crossed the street, snapped my brother’s mugshot at a photo shop, and had some chicken wraps at Au Bon Pain, where my brother proceeded to ask me the following question:

“When we re-new our passport, do we have to be sworn in or do anything like in that Green Card movie?”

Now, the last time my brother had his passport re-newed was when he was 11; obviously he has little to no memory of what it was like (and maybe also because the process requires you to do virtually nothing, but whatever). Which is why I thought it’d be fun to mess with him a bit, mwahahaha.

ME: [totally deadpan] If I remember correctly, you have to make a pledge.
J: A pledge?
ME: Yeah. Nothing fancy, though. Just the pledge of allegiance.
J: [worriedly] The pledge of allegiance? But I don’t know the pledge of allegiance!
ME: Oh, don’t worry. It’s easy peasy. All you have to say is — I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation, under God, indivisible, for liberty and justice for all.
J: Okay, let me try. I pledge allegiance to the flag of America—
ME: The United States of America.
J: The United States of America, and to…um…the people—
ME: The republic.
J: The republic…um…
ME: For which it stands.
J: For which it stands, one nation before God—
ME: Under God.
J: Underdog. I mean, under God, invisible—
ME: Indivisible.
J: Indivisible, for liberty and freedom for all.
ME: Justice for all.
J: [turning just slightly green] How am I supposed to know all this?!?!?! How do YOU know all this?!?!?!
ME: We had to say it every Friday morning at assembly at Almond.
J: But at RIS, all we ever had to say was the Lord’s Prayer.
ME: That’s because Father Travis wanted to make sure you’d know what to say at mass. Not that you ever WENT to mass, that is.
J: Yeah, sure. Watch the pot call the kettle black. So is this all I have to say? Just the pledge of allegience, right?
ME: I think so. Oh no, wait…
J: Now what?
ME: Actually, if I remember correctly, they also make you sing the Star Spangled Banner.
J: WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I’m sorry, but it was so funny I just couldn’t stop. :P How I ever managed to keep a straight face is beyond me, especially since I am seriously the world’s worst liar ever. You can rest assured, however, that I didn’t let the charade go on for long.

Well, only until after he’d sung the national anthem…twice.

I am so bad. Such is the privilege of being a first-born. In my next life, I bet karma’s gonna pay me back ten-fold — I’ll probably be born as the youngest kid in a family of ten.

~*~

Currently Reading: New Moon by Stephenie Meyer. I finally found it! Thanks, Asia Books!

Currently Playing: LDN by Lily Allen. First off, the video is pretty cool. And second of all, how could I possibly resist witty lyrics like, “There was a little old lady who was walkin’ down the road/She was struggling with bags from Tesco/There were people from the city having lunch in the park/I believe that it’s called al fresco/Then a kid came along to offer a hand/But before she had time to accept it/Hits her over the head, doesn’t care if she’s dead/Cause he’s got all her jewelry and wallet/You might laugh, you might frown, walkin’ ’round London town”?

The lyrics to her other song, Smile, are just as cheeky, if not more so. Am I so wrong to laugh at the music video, especially towards the end of the song where she sings, “at first when I see you cry, yeah it makes me smile, yeah it makes me smile” when the ex-boyfriend’s life goes down the toilet (quite literally, actually)?

I am so bad.